Hi, just a quick introduction about me and what my site is about. I am a 50 something woman, a woman in my prime, some would say. I would say just a woman, getting on with life and learning and discovering along the way.
I like to write. I write about anything and everything. It all depends on my mood, on if I feel I have something to say or if something just pops into my head and turns out to be the first line of a new poem.
I like to write about my life, my experiences or my perceptions of things. I have no distinctive style or agenda, just thoughts, the good, the bad and the ugly and I like to relay them here. Whether it is a relationship with ourselves, our families, our friends, or the world and planet around us, we all have relationships and we all have an opinion, an observation or an impact in those relationships.
I hope you enjoy this journey with me and I hope you can relate with some of what I have to say or at least that you may get a bit of a giggle sometimes. I wish you all the best in all your Relay shun ships…….
Are we Idealists or realists? We are women, we are fighters and survivors. If we have support each other and stand together, we can achieve anything!
Photo – authors own – A house of women…. Supporting & advocating for one another……
How do we empower. How do we motivate. How do we succeed in being equal?
We first of all must observe. Then we must teach, then we must learn. Women can learn from other women not just from the inequality from men.
The teaching, observing and learning must start in the home. If we have great mentors, advocates, ambassadors within the home, to build us up, make us strong, motivate us, be a role model for us, then we are off to a good start.
Even if, in the home, we see something we do not like, do not agree with, think is not right, we must learn from it,challenge it and take that ‘education’ of it outside of the home.
Take our knowledge, our beliefs our motivations, our voice and strength with us, into the world, and use it as our toolkit. We can keep adding to the toolkit, each time we feel inequality and injustice, is staring us in the face. We must reach into our bag of tools, stare right back at inequality and challenge it.
Seek out like minded people. Seek out your tribe. Help each other out. Build each other up and most of all, be there in the wings, having each others back whenever we get knocked down. Then get up again, build again, stand firm again.
The only way to succeed at anything, is to keep on trying.
From the oldest to the youngest and the youngest to the oldest a flow of ideas, ideals, experiences and perspectives will surface. From female to female, female to male and male to female, there will of course be differences of opinion, power struggles, ideas and idealism. However, the key to be heard, is not power, but persuasion, respect, open mindedness and fairness. It is only then, that we strive for parity.
There is always someone, or somewhere, that can take us from the darkest of places and bring us sunshine…
Photo authors own
I am just back from a 4 day trip to Bruges. I wanted to be anywhwere, but here, for Christmas.
Christmas is a time for family. Since I was 19 years old I have always entertained/hosted people on Christmas day, save for a handful of times, where people have hosted me or I have gone away, with my family.
This year I didn’t want to be with any family at all. Not because I don’t like or love them, but because I just couldn’t face it and the constant reminder of what I had lost this year, and the previous two years.
1st my best friend, next my dad and this year my mum…. All gone. My parents were old, made it to 80, my friend only 56. It does something to you, death and loss. Something that is hard to explain and hard to navigate on any ordinary day, let alone Christmas day.
So, in order to rescue myself and my family from whatever Christmas day might do to me, emotionally, I decided being somewhere else would be better for all of us.
So Bruges it was. I had never been, but heard a bit about it and of course, I had seen the film, ‘In Bruges’ with Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson – great movie, by the way.
Off we went on the 23rd December, my husband and I. As soon as I walked outside of our hotel, alongside the canal, paths of cobbled stones underfoot, and buildings so ornate, that I would stop in wonder and marvel at the workmanship of the intricate details which they bore.
Christmas twinkling lights adorned this city, high and low and showcased its magnificence. Everywhere you looked, it was picture postcard pretty.
The ‘blue light’ street lights were a beacon for light installations around the city, such as the story of the swan. Legend has it that a young woman had been imprisoned by her father for refusing to marry a man, he wished her to marry. Locked up in the basement, her only comfort was two swans that would visit every day. After she was released, she had been left a fortune which she donated to the city to continue to take care of the swans.
Another story is, a curse put on the city by Emperor Maximilian (austrian), for the torture and beheading of his friend and trusted adviser, known as ‘long neck’. As a tribute to his friend, he forced the people of Bruges to keep long neck swans on the water for all eternity, and failure to do so, would be utter ruin for Bruges.
Whichever, if true or not, the swans on the water, in the light installation, was truly a beautiful wonder to watch.
The swan story…
Over our four days, we crammed as much in as possible. We did the boat tour around the canals, we went up the Belfry, 366 steps, not for the faint hearted, but reminded me of climbing the steps of Coventry Cathedral, my original home town, many times when I was a girl.
We went into Stadhuis (City Hall)….. Amazing, beautiful elegant building, still used for council meetings and even weddings and other official receptions.
City Hall…
On Christmas day we went to mass in the Church of the Holy Blood. This is in the corner of the same square as City Hall. The mass was beautiful. Even though it was said in Flemish, it was a beautiful experience and I could follow, for the most part, where we were in the mass.
I offered up my thoughts and prayers to my loved ones and of course, asked that God keep them safe in his care. It was a a truly special mass, in a very special church, and I felt a calm and comfort there. I was glad to take them, my loved ones, on my journey there.
I thought and pondered quite a while about, how my dad especially, had never visited such a beautiful place. He was never one to travel or go anywhere and there is so much in our own countries, towns and villages, let alone, the bigger world, that we often do not see. My dad hadn’t been much further than his own back yard.
Basicilica of the Holy Blood – Christmas day 2023
We visited several museums, including the salvador Dali exhibition, the Groeningemuseum and of course one or two biermuseums!
We ate waffles, belgian chocolate, like liquid gold melting on the tongue with its smooth creamy texture. Ribs, steaks, scallops, salads…you name it, we ate it. We drank their local beers and sampled their many beautiful restaurants.
On Christmas day, I wanted a nice restaurant and we were not disappointed. The Duc de Bourgogne, said to be one the most romantic restaurants in the Country, was simply stunning. The decor, the oppulance, their Christmas decorations and its location, overlooking the canal, was really lovely. The staff very friendly and funny. Not too ‘stuck up’ in that you could dress smart casual, but with an air of grandness about the place. The food and wine were delicious and I would definitely recommend.
Duc de Bourgogne
Apart from the buildings, the museums, the bars, restaurants and general beauty of this city, we also met some interesting people. A couple, one from Scotland the other from England, there to celebrate her 30th birthday.
Another couple from Oregon, they had arrived, but their luggage hadn’t. One of the guys has Belgian origin and citizenship but his partner, a true Oregon man, lived on a beautiful house boat there and was looking to sell, ohhhh if only! Drinking the ‘fleet’ of beer in the beer museum, enjoying our cheese plate, we passed a fun couple of hours chatting and exchanging stories with them.
We met a couple, who had just got engaged, they too were from the USA. Overlooking the market, from this balcony, we chatted to them and took pictures for them on their phones. Young and in love in a beautiful city for Christmas with an unexpected proposal to boot. She was a very happy girl and he was a very happy boy – she said YES.
We chatted with a man from Turkey, a teacher, on his travels and some Mexicans, enjoying their first trip to Europe.
On our last night a couple sat by our table. He was Australian she was Russian. He was an officer on a yacht and she dealt with chartering yachts but they lived in the South of France, Antibes. Lovely place of the world to live. We visited near there once, staying in Frejus, and driving around St. Raphael (where the Auzzie had once lived), St. Tropez, Cannes and Monaco. Like I said, beautiful.
They were interesting people and we laughed alot. As interesting as their jobs seemed, they had the same ups and downs as the people serving us in the restaurant…Life is like that, the job may give a status, a lifestyle of sorts, but take the job away and we are all left in the same boat, pardon the pun. Sailing, searching for love, happiness, companionship, friendship, peace.
No matter what bumps in the road, or little stumbles (in heels) on cobbled stoned roads, there is so much out there, in the world, outside of our own little bubbles, to be explored, enjoyed, welcomed and to escape for a few days, from the normality of our lives, the sadness, the mundane, the ordinary.
I didn’t miss not having a ‘usual Christmas’. My sadness and grief were well cloaked and diverted elsewhere, notwithstanding the fact that I had my loved ones there with me, tucked neatly away in my heart. My little escape, was just what the doctor ordered.
Our favourite little bar….
The margarita was delicious….. cheers!
Do yourself a favour, if you have never been, go to Bruges and fall in love.
We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls
Anais Nin, the Diary of Anais Nin, Vol 7:1966-1974
Couple of Coventry kids…. Lady Godiva sculpture and meAlice..in wonderland…salvador Dali style
No, not ready, not this Christmas day, give me a place to hide away. Christmas, its roots carved out of religion, with family at the heart and etched in tradition
From childhood memories of excitement and wonder, tipping downstairs, skipping steps with my brothers..
‘He’s been, he’s been’, we’d exclaim with such joy, unwrapping and passing the games and new toys.
And mum would be there, a smile on her face, excited for us as we danced and embraced, eachother, our gifts, scalextrix and dolls and dad would come in and join in the fun
The house, it was happy on each Christmas morn, and father Christmas so brilliant for bringing such fun.
And mum would be busy preparing our feast, the kitchen awash with all sorts of treats…. the turkey the stuffing, she’d make it from scratch, the tastes and the flavours could never be matched.
We’d sit round the table, a family of 5…grateful and thankful what the lord had provided.
The choir hymns still ringing from the midnight mass, and i’d sit in pure wonder at all that we had
For santa, he was, the father of christmas for sure, bringing peace and good will to our family’s door.
Back then we were ignorant to the true full facts, that Christmas wouldnt happen without mum and dad.
What happiness they brought with sacrifices made and now how I’ll miss them on this Christmas day
So no, not now, not ready just yet, I’ll leave santa to the chrildren, so they wont forget, the joy and the treasure and the gift of it all the christmas, the magic, so they can recall
How special and awesome their own mothers are, allowing father christmas to capture their their sweet precious hearts.
For the mothers and fathers gone home to the lord, we’ll love you and miss you on this christmas morn…..
When does the virtual world cross paths with our real world,? I think, more often than we care to think.
At my mother’s house, I came across some old photos, of me, my brothers, mum, dad and many other family members.
As I flicked through them, it brought back so many memories. Good ones, sad ones, fun ones and cringe ones and plenty in between.
It occurred to me though, as I looked at some of the old ones of me, and some of the most recent ones, that my smile was not reflective of how I was actually feeling at the time that the snap was taken.
In the world of social media which we now live in, we often give out about people living in a virtual reality, only posting positive photos, lifestyles etc. I am one of those people.
I post my life on social media…… well, in the main, the perception of my positive life. I mainly post my photos because I once had my camera stolen with 5 weeks worth of holiday snaps on it, of my children and I. I was heartbroken, so from then on, I upload to facebook, to preserve the moment!
The thing is, we are all probably guilty of living or portraying a virtual reality ,pre and post social media.
In the collage of me above, at different ages and stages of my life, my smile seems almost the same giving the impression that I am happy, yet my reality of when some of the pictures were taken, couldn’t be further from the truth.
There was loss, significant loss in some of the photo’s, a miscarriage, a marital separation and the most recent being taken 11 days after my mother died.
Every day we go about our business, we smile and we say we are ‘doing fine’. For the most part I know I can pretend that I am fine for my ‘outside face’ but that is because it is important to have a break from it, from the sadness, the pain, hurt, grief or whatever it is that makes us ‘not fine’. We need distraction…well I do. That is how I cope.
I allow all my feelings to live in me, sometimes they consume me, they niggle at me, and I push them back and sometimes I let them break free. I do not or try not to let them define me, because each day, they are different, more intense, less intense, more manageable, more tolerable, less tolerable etc and as the days, weeks and months pass, we learn to live with our pain, our loss, our hurt and our wounds.
It is important to feel all the emotions, just as it is important to try to escape them, be distracted from them, and talk about them, even when we think we can’t, and when we can’t talk, we need to find a place, a person a friend, who we can trust enough, love enough, that we can sit in our silence or our turbulence and they will allow us to just sit…. and sit with us.
So, yes every picture really does tell a story, but it is really only the subject person, in the picture, that knows the whole story….. the rest is just a virtual reality.
“One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels”
Its easy to love when all is going smoothly. When expectation is met with desired result…but when things get rough, love can be tested and then love becomes a choice……
Love is many a splendid thing…. Love is that first flutter in your belly when you see someone you like, whether you are 7 or 70.
Love is cradling your baby for the first time, not knowing, really, if you will do a good enough job at being it’s mother,/father, but you do your best anyway.
love is being so tired and sleep deprived that you still put your child’s needs before yours.
love is hating your child’s tantrums and behaviours, especially when they are teenagers, but still having their back and mopping up the mess.
Love is putting on your best dress and perfume, or best shirt and after shave and being on time and showing up for him/her.
Love is being so consumed with their wants and needs, you put yours on the back burner.
Love is allowing someone to say how they feel and not trying to negate or trivialize what they are saying.
love is putting yourself in their shoes.
love is patience, and patient.
love isn’t stagnant
love is holding yourself together, even when you are falling apart, and doing for others.
love is standing back, so someone more in need, can go first.
love is taking a minute to decide if your want/need can wait.
love is praying for loved ones and praying for strength to help you through difficult times.
love is letting go.
love is forgiveness.
love is a choice
love is learning to swallow down hurtful words and not allow it to penetrate.
love is picking yourself up, dusting yourself down and taking one step at a time.
Love is not always patient, not always kind and love is sometimes arrogant and rude and hurtful
because love comes in many disguises, depending of how safe love feels in the hands of the beholder and how wounded or lost the injured are
love endures, love lingers and love is not easily broken…….because love, is a choice…….
Love is both delightful and a curse, but love is love, and love is what drives our soul, our essence, our purpose.
Relay shun ships 
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